Over the weekend, I decided to ditch my normal hair routine. I decided to go for a different look, a more natural look.
That's right, Superstars! I wanted to be Ms. Curly Q. It has been three months since my last relaxer, so straight hair has been a pain to maintain. Saturday, I told my hairdresser," Let's do something new,"which are words that rarely come out of mouth. After this new hairstyle, I think I'm going to start saying the four word phrase more often.
I decided to turn left on my typically straight path after much thought. For years, I have always tried to style my hair to society's approval. As an African American female, I know the struggles associated with hair. We feel a certain pressure to wear our hair a certain way to avoid being looked down by society. That "way" (No I'm not trying to quote Ariana Grande) is having straight, silky hair which is far from an average black girl's hair texture. That way has led to countless dollars spent, clumps of hair swept off the floor, and much wincing whenever a hot tool comes near the scalp.
I am guilty of trying to keep an outer appearance to avoid looks of disapproval by opposing races. Well, those days are gone. Not only, do I want to be happy. I want my hair to be happy, healthy, and free of all worries. Worries of being categorized into a downgrading group or looked upon as being something I'm not. I refuse to worry about those things again.
This is my first actual natural hairstyle since my last relaxer in November, and I couldn't be happier. It was so easy for my hair to be styled like this rather than the harsh methods I must do to get the "straight look".
With this new look, I don't think my hair will be encountering a straightener for a while. Instead of having society's approval, I finally have my strands approving to my decision.
It is not a surprise that women and men think differently. Women, the more relatable and soft (but not weak) gender, are known for thinking based on emotion. They put themselves in other people's shoes. We think about how not only ourselves would be affected, but how everyone involved would be affected. Men are known for thinking with what they have between their legs. Either gender's way of thinking prevents them from doing certain things. For women, putting their emotions first sometimes prevents us from being assigned a high leadership role. Men's way of thinking can lead them to temptation and prevent them from being a good leader or man in general.
I feel that our minds are powerful, and should think beyond borders. As a blogger, I want my viewers to think. Here are two scenarios I would like to leave you with to better express how I feel with the way genders think.
Let's say you have a female who is the director of a well-known, locally owned facility. The facility has been partners with the top private school in town for years. It even grants a $10,000 scholarship to a student of the school that meets the requirements. A high school student, let's call her Rebecca, files papers and does other assistant duties in the facility's office. One day Rebecca comes across an ad for the scholarship. She goes to the director and asks more about the free money she could earn. "You see you're not qualified to receive this scholarship, since you don't attend the school," the director tells her. Hiding her disappointment, Rebecca excuses herself to return to her work. The director senses something is wrong and wants to know more about Rebecca's interest in the scholarship. "Well, I kind of have to pay for college myself. My parents are having a hard time making ends meet."The director takes this information into consideration. She knows the students at the private school have had money set aside for their college tuition since before their existence. Maybe one year the school can go without the scholarship."I see what I could do," she tells Rebecca.
Is it wrong that this female let her emotions get involved.
An elite law firm has just posted internship opening. This opening is only opened for one law hopeful. One of the leading attorneys at the firm is over the interview and hiring process. There are two candidates. Both female. One graduated from a top in state school. She has completed hours of community service, even while she studied aboard. If she got the internship, this would be her second year of experience. Meet the second candidate, a graduate of a standard in state school. She has community service hours, but not as much as the other. Her only experience in law comes from her studies in college and from what her father has told her of his cases. You would think the first candidate would get the internship. Sadly, she didn't. The lawyer chose the second candidate because he thought she was more "socially attractive". According to him, her long well kept hair and tailored suits was what he considered more professional than the first candidate's short bob (she decided to cut her hair after a time in the hot Africa sun) and Target work clothes she made to the best of her abilities look department store bought.
Please comment with the way feel about the scenarios or on how you feel with the way genders think.
Today, I decided to take a scroll through my notes app. I don't know what gave me the urge to do such a thing. Normally, I dislike going through things from the past. I mean, it was difficult experiencing something one time…why would I want to relive it? But for once I'm happy ( I know such a preschool way of describing a feeling), I dug up something from the past. That something is a treasure.
The summer before my freshman year I decided to save a list of advice from Mary Schmich. This advice is what she would have given if she had a chance to deliver a commencement speech. It is titled "Advice, like youth, probably just wasted on the young", better known as "Wear Sunscreen". When I first copied and pasted the helpful information, I had the intention of reading the note daily or weekly (We've all been there. Making big plans and never going through with them i.e. New Year's resolutions). This morning was the first time I came across it since the summer of 2012.
I'm not upset with myself for not reading the information like I had planned. I think certain things come into our laps when we need it the most. I am a depressed, hard-working, sometimes miserable, lazy, emotionless, PMSing, and dramatic teenager. This advice is what I need, along with a month long break from school and a gallon of ice cream. But I think the powerful words of advice from Ms. Schmich is more reasonable and life changing. Take the time to read or watch the video. I recommend doing both along with copying and pasting the advice into your notes app.
Or take the time to watch the video (It includes relaxing background music.)
Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)
*Wear sunscreen.
*Enjoy the power and beauty of youth.
*You are not as fat as you imagine.
*Don't worry about the future or worry,but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum.
*The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind...the kind that blindsides you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.
*Do one thing every day that scares you.
*Sing.
*Don't be reckless with other peoples's hearts,don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.
*Floss.
*Don't waste your time on jealousy;sometimes you're ahead,sometimes you're behind.
*The race is long,and in the end,it's only with yourself.
*Remember compliments you receive,forget the insults.If you succeed in doing this...tell me how.
*Keep your old love letters,throw away your old bank statements.
*Stretch.
*Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life.
*Get plenty of calcium.
*Be kind to your knees,you'll miss them when they're game.
*Maybe you'll marry,maybe you won't...Maybe you'll have children,maybe you won't … maybe you'll divorce at 40... Maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary.
Whatever you do don't congratulate yourself too much or berate,yourself either.
*Your choices are half chance...so are everybody else's.
*Enjoy your body...Use it every way you can.Don't be afraid of it,or what other people think of it.It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.
*Dance,Even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.
*Read the directions,even if you don't follow them.
*Do NOT read beauty magazines,they will only make you feel UGLY.
*Get to know your parents...you never know when they'll be gone for good...Be nice to your siblings...They are your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
*Understand that friends come and go ,but for the precious few you should hold on.
*Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography in lifestyle,because the older you get,the more you need the people you knew when you were young.
*Live in New York City once,but leave before it makes you hard.
*Live in Northern California once,but leave before it makes you soft.
*Travel.
*Accept certain inalienable truths.
*Prices will rise,politicians will philander,you too will get old...and when you do you'll fantasize that when you were young,prices were reasonable,politicians were noble and children respected their elders.
*Respect your elders.
*Don't expect anyone else to support you.
*Maybe you have a trust fund,maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse,but you never know when either one might run out.
*Don't mess too much with your hair,or by the time you're 40,it will look 85.
*Be careful where advice you buy,but,be patient with those who supply it.
*Advice is a form of nostalgia,dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal,wiping it off,painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than its worth.
I recently came across this image the other day. If you can't read the text, then here it is:
"I think a lot of overweight girls are hypocrites. I'm naturally tall and skinny, I eat what I want, I don't starve myself, and I am beautiful. So why are you allowed to love your 'curves' but it's wrong for me to love my 'bones'? Why is it okay for you to call me anorexic, but horrible for me to call you fat? If you can tell me to 'gain weight', why can't I tell you to lose weight? If you can feel beautiful for being big, I can feel beautiful for being small. Get over it."
I am in no way a skinny girl. You cannot see my bones, but you can definitely see my rolls. I have been able to wear women's clothing since my elementary school years. So imagine how I felt when I saw this picture. Imagine how I felt when I read those white letters typed across the image.
This message is hurting and quite childish. Yes, there is a sick game that exist between skinny and bigger girls. It's 2014, as the female race, we still have not realize that we are the same species. All girls have more in common than what they think. We all have battles against mother nature. We have the same opening between our legs. And we all have to deal with sexist at school and in the workplace. So why do we have this battle going on amongst us?
Do you want to know why this hurts me? Why this image brings me close to tears? It is not because I am facing the truth. I am a big girl and not a hypocrite. I am hurt because whoever said this does not know what it is like to wear a size 12. I don't what it is like to be skinny, but I know what it is like to sit in front of a computer screen and search for ways to lose weight. I know want it is like to spend summers trying to lose weight, but not ever coming close to my goal. I know what it is like not to be a victim, but a survivor of bullying.
Skinny is looked at as being beautiful. Women have been taught since the beginning to hate any fat or unnecessary weight on them. Recently, women have gained confidence to love the extra weight on them. Bigger girls weren't called beautiful from the jump. They had to search for that beauty from within. They didn't wait for society to call them beautiful. They found it in themselves.
There are a million people that would love a skinny model, but there is only so many people that would love a plus size girl. You want to know who that is? 1) Themselves 2) their mothers 3)if they are lucky, then their boyfriends 4) the Chili's waiter because big girls are great tippers.
If you are skinny, please do not think I am bashing you. If any big girl has offended you, I am sorry. You shouldn't give a flip what people say about you. You should love your bones just like I am learning to love my curves. And if this apology and encouragement isn't enough, then continue to call me and other girls that wear larges fat. I'll continue to pray for the day we can unite and share a sundae without being insecure of what the other thinks.
To my bigger girls, love yourself because this world isn't mature enough to be to love all our thickness. Do not think any less of yourself. There is more to you (much more than your weight) own it, but do not hate on others for owning and working what they have.
Girls in general, stop this name-calling, vicious, prejudice, female, unsisterlike, unladylike battle. Like Macklemore said,"We have to change us." We make up a majority of society. We have played a role in this divide. It is time for us to open our eyes and realize that we are all beautiful. We are reproducers of generations to come. Do you really want your daughter to be thrown into this battle and deal with bruises from hate? Be a soldier and fight this fight. Stand up for what is right!
